Monday, May 24, 2010
she says, don't let go, never give up, it's such a wonderful life.
there's so little yet so much that's snapping at my heels right now...
too little and too insignificant and too easily completed for me to give up;
but too tedious, draining and fearsome for me to do.
i'm just trying to get through the day.
i just want to get through the day.
Friday, May 21, 2010
i cant stand snoops. and i cant stand no brainer copycats.
Invisible smiles, quashed in the depth of our hearts, as we slogged away; a faint but lingering hint of promises. a proud creation to finally call our own. It is nothing less but a piece of our soul.
The carefully concentrated and painfully extruded extracts of ourselves. of who we are. It isours to claim, and rightly so. The single rare spark, awaited through the periods of long haunting silences which have taunted us at every turn. the accumulated subconsciousness, defined.
How could you don these elusive cloaks which we have toiled over so laboriously. A badge of the pain, the joy, the insanity we suffer. How could you steal it from us?Anorexia, Music, Style, Preferences, Dress sense.
I was sitting in class, forced to listen to a absolutely brainless conversation of this bunch of idiots from this absolutely cliched, stereotypical, unoriginal, trend following clique.
"oh i don't like french braids now."
"yeah, i like fishtail braids"
"french braids are so common now... so many people are wearing them..."
"fish tails are better... like different" (hinting at her own supposed originality)
guess what? you guys were one of those people who jumped the band wagon when french braids first rose into popularity. And now with fishtail braids too?!?
SAME to those who have jumped the bandwagon with the indie bands and high waisted skirts. Why heck are you wearing or listening to something just because it's the hype? and i'm not even going to start on the whole DSLR trend. Or the trend of everyone going on a "anorexic diet"
I'm just so pissed off at all the annoying airheads who keep hijacking the few rare awesomely lovely things that still remain in life. things that offer me my sole few moments of salvation, peace and tranquility.
:D
4 people have officially read my blog. or at least have somehow landed here.
dismal, and pathetic, but still nonetheless thrilling and immensely motivating for me.
I just want to say THANKYOU and THANKYOU again for your time.
HERE are 4 lovely pictures for every one of you. may you all one day be just as or even prettier than them.
Mini update/post of amusing scraps, before the pretty insanity or or not so lyrical schizophrenia drains me. before i slip into another one of those moods again.
>>
A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique.
"The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote!" he advised. "If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people's throats and beat them over the head with it! Above all, don't ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat! It's the only way to get results!"
"Yes, sir!" the employee answered.
"And now, what was it you came in to see me about?" the boss asked.
The employee replied, "A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise!"
>>
"I’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in about 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say “Oh shit, I’m sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole."
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Never good enough, but so very near perfection.
OR;
So very nearly perfect, but never good enough(which ever way you want to see it)
do you ever get that feeling?
like how knowing what you've been through and is going through, you think that after all that you've somehow got to be stronger than all the other people out there who live their happy ignorant little lives. then when you take a second look, you start wondering if it's really so.
Coffee, because that's what i'm going to have tonight.
And a little something to aspire towards.
Monday, May 17, 2010
when a book is painful to read, you know it's good.
today i walked with _____ to go for _____ 's concert.
i feel like all my life has been a huge lie; trying to please people and appear perfect, and now it's all falling apart. I've been ignoring the crumbling for way too long and now they're just breaking apart in huge chunks.
and looking back, my posts are really too immature.
i should lock/delete them one day.
if you havent found the awesomeness of drinking pure, unsweetened iced tea all on it's own you should.
the bitterness somehow makes everything feel more vivid, and your mind, more alert. and after you get over the initial bitter taste, something else amazing comes through.
go try.
and it's only 2 calories.
you'd have burnt them off just making your tea.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
this deserves recognition.
as somewhat of a cross between a ex-anorexic, now turned bulimic after the horrendous failure of recovery treatments, binges are one aspect which i have never really overcome.
>>>
http://www.fitsugar.com/Binge-Eating-Lesser-Known-Disorder-153423
Monday, May 10, 2010
i feel like i'm like cheating in life.
FAILURE.
CHEAT.
SWINDLER
LIAR
FAKE
i'm DISGUSTED with myself.
why do i keep trying to run away from reality.
PLEASE GOD, PLEASE LET TOMORROW BE FOR THE BETTER.
GIVE ME STRENGTH. HELP ME FIGHT MY DEMONS.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Isnt it funny.
the one person i'm into, loves food.
she plans to be a gourmet chef.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. |
i'm going to seek out al the people i know of who might have an eating disorder.
i dont know why i'm doing this but i just am.
A has just lovely arms.
We've once found a blood splattered penknife in the toilet. perfectly complemented with the shamelessly stained tissue beside it.
i wonder.
now i need to get all my school work done.
My grandmother and my mom just had a huge fight.
i wonder if she has clinical depression.
they said it hits single elderlies hardest.
ironic it would be huh. For the past half a year i've been volunteering at an old folks home. i'd kill myself if anything happened.
but why am i not doing anything.
there's so much to do. and be done.
how come things arnt ever like what you see in the movies?
i just want to be free. and ignorant.
happy and carefree.
my family is screwed up.
swoon.
the ADIDAS SUNDOWN MARATHON.
i have nothing else to say.
except my heart is floating in the skies above, somewhere else.
I'll be counting down the days till the final one when i can finally participate.
| imagine. Like gazelles, we will fly over the wide plains, even if they are but the tarry slabs of the concrete roads Like wolves, as we fade and meld into the night let the darkness imbue you feel it's power be one, with it's force and the gentle callings of nature, hidden under it's folds with the night, it brings every ray intensified every sound magnified every sense heightened as the night releases instincts primal. repressed and hidden so |
I apologise, it is a poorly written poem, but i just LOVE the feeling of running after dark. when the parks is near empty and i can actually hear myself.
I'm sorry S____, you asked me, exactly a year back about joining this. I ran away. Stunned like a deer in the headlights. I would run again with you if i could, as friends, if you would still let me. I'm sorry, i've left you there. i was terrified. too much. too dangerous. i would love to have you back as a friend. Not in that way though.
Who were we fooling anyway? Let's throw away our pretenses.
I loved your attention, you loved owning me.
I loved our status, you loved my glib praises.
Only there to satify our hollow hearts.
still, thank you. for showing me the world. and for everything else.
princesses are only pretty when they're skinny.
enchanted was screening on TV tonight. and boy, she's skinny.
which is of course obviously why she looks so beautiful in all the elaborate outfits.
i wish i could do that.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
oh ****.
i just got my period today.
it always screws up my diet.
and i feel like a bloated whale.
and for some weird reason whenever i get my period i turn out to be extremely lazy.
RAWR.
oh god, please take it away.
urk. and i hate it that our computer is in the living rom and my parents are constantly peering over my shoulders whenever they iron their stuffs. D:
maybe i'm just paranoid. but they're freaking 2 feet away.
it's making RAWR.
Photoshop: simply makes everything better.
even low fat cheese makes me feel sick now.
it's a good thing right?
it's kind of nice but scary.
it's so funny seeing how quickly everything they tried to teach us in recovery gets forgotten and thrown behind our backs.
Now if only i could break the binge cycles i seemed to have amassed.