off the deep end.
i dont know how we came to this.
i guess we've always been this way.
yet another laundromat routine.

load. wash. rinse. and repeat.
self deception makes for good fodder.
as does deprecation

its always much easier to agree and give in

and then the beast of jealousy roars its ugly head.
when cornered, with nowhere left to run.
not really.

it creeps up, in innocent glimpses of something better.
i wish. if only.

what does it feel to be deeply unhappy?

barbiturates. 30mg.
carbon. hydrogen x3. oxygen. hyrdrogen.
load. gargle. swallow. repeat.


and we'll be off to a better place.


misery needs no company.
just isolation.

cause if we repeat those lies enough
somewhere in between we'll start to believe in them ya?


i haven't thought about it for a long long time.
and there's something inherently wrong when

just a combination of pandoras, cassies, and stonems
something that probably you'll never know anayway.

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dear god, give me strength such that i may not plunge into this black hole

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they wont flower like they did last spring
but nothing scares me anymore
this is a gift.

the road is long, we carry on
come take a walk on wild side,
I got my red dress on tonight.

stolen paradise
we'll walk the plank with eyes wide open
shouldn't talk about it.

walking through these city streets
like resignation to the end
frozen in the headlights

i'll tell you my sins,
and you can sharpen your knife
hanging on empty swings
we're fated to pretend

small talk, big thoughts
we should all burn together

it's time
command me to be well


an amalgamation of all my favourites. 
see if you spot anything familiar!  >_^

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maybe some day i will tell you.
or you will chance upon this.

There’s one trait that I continuously find myself coming back to when it comes to dating: inspiration.

I don’t really care how you spend your time. I mean I hope you have hobbies, and it’d be cool if we have some in common, but as long as you spend your time doing things you enjoy, that’s cool with me. I don’t really care about your education. Do I hope you have one? Absolutely, that’s important to me. But I understand that it isn’t for everyone. Do I care about your job? Nah. But please, please, have a job that you enjoy doing. That’s all.

I really should reiterate. Because I DO care. I care about each and every aspect of you, even the ones I don’t always want to care about or the aspects you wish I wouldn’t care about. I care to know you — and knowing you involves all of those finite details previously mentioned. What I’m saying is that you’ll deviate from what I always envisioned. You won’t have every characteristic I always thought that I wanted in a man. And that’s okay.

But there’s one thing I need from you — one thing I really, truly value: I need you to inspire me.

Inspiration in its simplest form, really. I want you to inspire me to be a better person. To push myself — in my career, in my education, in my beliefs, culture, and values. I want you to inspire me to try things I always said I wouldn’t. To read books I never thought I’d like, to go to a place I never wanted to visit, to eat a food I always swore off.

I want you to inspire me to be better. Every day.

Because although self-motivation is important, sometimes our steam just runs out. Sometimes we need a person running alongside us, telling us we can keep going, that we can cross that finish line.

 And I want to inspire you, too. I want to be able to push you. To stretch your limits and make you step outside of your comfort zone. Because inspiration is like a weed when you have the right amount. It grows wildly and quickly, and spreads throughout the surface. When it works, when it really works, we feed off of each other. We make each other better. We consistently try new things and pursue higher heights. That’s…well, that’s inspirational.

And that’s what I hope for. Maybe it’s a bit far-reaching but maybe it really isn’t at all.

 Is that not the epitome of every healthy relationship? It’s a loose term: inspiration (and it’s largely open to interpretation). But think about it. Think of some important traits when you envision the perfect relationship: couples who love each other, who try new things together, who make time for each other, who put each other first, who listen to each other, who push each other. And now think about inspiration. What does inspiration make you do? Does it make you care? Love? Push harder and further? Depending on the situation, it certainly does.

 Inspiration makes us better. Inspiration makes us want to do something. It moves our emotions, our intellect, our behavior. And is that not what every relationship needs? We need to be influenced to feel happiness and love, influenced to deeply care for someone other than ourselves, influenced to better ourselves while we better those around us. Quite frankly, that sounds pretty healthy to me.

So that’s all I want.

And it encompasses so very, very, much, that one little word. Inspiration. 11 letters, 4 syllables, and a different meaning for every person walking this earth.

Be inspired. Inspire others 

 and in this one article it sums up pretty much everything i've ever wanted to tell you.

except i'm not.
i feel like all we've done is to trudge along a mundane dirt road,
the well worn path of the masses,
never really bothering to fight for anything else
filling our days with insignificant trinkets to pass time
but that's not what i want
i want to look back
and be able to say, wow remember when....
instead of a stream of monotonous oblivion

but probably that's not going to happen.
and i can only hope that someday this flame will die
and that spark will fade.
and you'll quell my spirits
smother that whimsical soul
that one day i'll give up on those dreams and seek only to be ordinary.
a 9-5 nuclear family.
fading into mediocrity and routine
after all that's what we all succumb to

maybe someday i'll step across the highway
and in those last moments of unbridled blithe
recall everything i once dreamed of
and relive the fire

like a tamed animal
one day i'll forget what the trees were like
the breeze running through us as we race across the endless plains

one day
maybe my yearnings will wane
and we'll lose our quirk
another family portrait on the wall

as harsh as it may sound, helping me with my work isnt being supporting, its enabling.

I want someone who inspires me to face up to my problems and to tackle them myself.

someone who looks me in the eye, and tells me, stand up.
stand up cause i know you can. get your ass back up cause it's going to be worth it.
crawl if you have to, cause in the end its all going to be worth it.

someone who tells me, no. i'm not going to pick you up, when i look up expectantly. someone who will tell me, you're better than this. you're stronger than this, and you'll pull through.

but when i do make it to the finish line, i know that he'll be there to catch me. 

and i'll do the exact same thing for you,

when you falter, I will be there to tell you to keep moving forward
that it's okay, to pause, take a sip, to catch your breath
but to never stop moving forward
no matter how painful it may be right now

i'll be there to tell you i'll always have your back
and to support you in whatever you may pursue, so long as you put your heart in it.

and if you're going off the wrong path, i'll be frank in telling you the truth
that everyone will hem and haw about, skirting round the topic
i'll bear the brunt of your wrath, until you see the light.

i'll be one one person you will resent during the race
and the one you'll embrace after on the trophy stand

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