Wednesday, December 23, 2015
i really cant
i cant help what or how i feel
but i dont want to take away you freedom either
but i feel so insecure when im with you
all those fears and doubts resurfacing
and all the things that i've worked so hard to bury away
i feel like im second choice
that perhaps everything else didnt work out
and that i'm just conveniently the one who did
who said yes, and that's why
and that if things had been any different
you'd chose them if they had been the one who said yes.
and that they'd be the one making you smile instead
maybe this is karma
for me to understand how he felt
the paranoia, fear and insecurities eating away at me every night
and how debilitating and helpless it feels
knowing that there's probably nothing i can do
without it spiralling into a vicious cycle
or mistrust and distrust
a tug of war of freedom and control
that no one is ever going to come out winning anyways
i think maybe she/they will make you happier
maybe you should try again...
after all they always say,
third time's the charm right?
and i'm really not saying this to be sarcastic
like how they're so bubbly and sociable and full of life
and prettier i guess. and all the things that you guys have in common
Sunday, December 6, 2015
maybe its the guilt
settling under the quilts
like a well worn duvet
washed in tears and filled with joy
of sanctuaries and pillow forts
midnight mumbles and pillow talks
i can't get you off my mind
but neither can i forget him
are these signs?
lost cables and missing gloves
cracked screens and misfortunes
someone show me what to do