Wednesday, June 26, 2013
O:
it came sort of as a shock. I guess maybe sort of. halfway between unbelievable and infinite euphoria.
I've finally broken through the plateau.
finally.finally.finally.
I'm over the miserable fluctuations of 50.52.51.53.49.5,51
im finally,safely in the 49 territory. and I'm never going to go above that ever again.
I think I know why I use to do so well.
it was natural. inate.
reflex. coping mechanism.
and they tried to change. to change me to change us. to tear that away from us. but they didn't give us anything less destructive to work with either.
an in those years we languished. and became mediocre. miserable. useless. spineless. we let things go. we let ourselves go. we lost the one thing we were so good at doing. we lost the drive. the dermination. the concentration.
we used to transcend above these trivialities. while everyone was gorging. we charged forward.
and now i've remembered. we don't really need it. it doesn't really taste good. what's the purpose. we don't have any of those urges anymore. no crazy insane need. driving us to the brink. no more out of control spirals. we have something inside of us more sacred and previous than a leaden stomach full of hygrogenated palm oil,lard,shortening,corn syrup,and whatever other junk they put inside those things. disgusting. repulsive.
we're not helpless. when things go out of control. we wrestle them back in place. routine.plans.outlines.
step by step. and these monsters will disintegrate back into the pathetic shadows they always were.
why did we ever let them comsume us in the first place.
pragmatic. systematic.
we can.
breathe and believe.
I'm solving my own problems today. not more running away.