Wednesday, June 29, 2011
i feel a tad bit scared by myself sometimes.
reckless habits.
maybe i should try to sort my life back into shape.
may be my way of living in this world isn't what i thought it would be,
and it sure isn't the way to survive.
we think too highly of ourselves,
our whims, notions and fancies,
we pander to our every need
false wants in disguise.
minimalism. stick to the plan.
get some self discipline.
i hear they're selling it off the supermarkets,
$3 per can, $2 if you're buying powdered
$10 straight for it fresh in a jug.
seriously.
some self restraint would be good too.
hey look! they're having a joint promotion!
god what is wrong with me?
just get this fucking right this time?
stick to you damned study plans and meal plans.
you disgusting lazy pig.
you're screwing up your future one day at a time.
get yourself together.
Friday, June 24, 2011
god i can't even get my current fucking life straight.
and i'm rambling about this idealistic shit.
hypocrite! someone give me a punch in the face.
i just want someone to love me for a day.
and then i can close my heart to the world.
maybe.
(but i'd still starve my left limb off to trade you for a slater ;D )
now i just feel so disconnected,
out of bounds, out of control
disjointed, lost. not sure what to say.
just a bitter little man, angry at the whole world
for everything he didn't do
for every chance he didnt take.
for every friend he let slip away.
for every memory forgotten
for every day that went past him
just a little old woman, busy in the chores of life.
contented, satisfied.
jams, packed. peaches, canned. cucumbers, pickled.
brownies rising in the oven,
decadent edges, dark crumbles of love
fresh sheets, of spring flowers and lime
beauty. beautiful.
just another lost soul, floating,
trying to become. to be
we fucked up big time,
trying to fit into society's pretty molds.
we filed our nails down, filled ourselves with tolulene and formaldehyde
of liquid gold and other stuff.
we sewed our lips together and plastered on a new smile
cakes with the greasy stains of crimson reds, fuschia fun, and cherry rum.
smiling, at the catalogues of menus we'd never taste
politely declining, in our rehearsed, mechanical nods.
our rebellions never made it past revolution
rallying in arms, bare, splotched in the stains of dha, tyrosine, or was it canthaxanthin?
we stood for a state of anarchism.
a state of failure and chaos,
that we would soon come to turn our backs on
as age caught up with time.
and our wick runs short.
We're young! We're supposed to drink too much, we're supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each others brains out. We had it all. We fucked up, bigger, and better than any generation that came before us! WE WERE SO BEAUTIFUL! We're screw ups. I'm a screw up. And I plan to be a screw up, until my late twenties, maybe even my early thirties.
but eventually we'll turn into the auto programmed bots of society, functions parts of clogs,
running the machines of life.
just remember that we honestly tried, we did
once when we were young.
but where and who are we now?
watch>>
listen>>
Saturday, June 18, 2011
we're all vultures, great skulking hulking vultures
with our clinting eyes that light up at the very silvers of other's misfortunes
picking them up as a magpie pounces on tinfoil,
waiting for them to tumble and fall
maybe if we all tried, to be genuine.
instead of wearing our smiles in our hearts,
malicious sneers we keep to ourselves.
to truly set ourselves free.
from all this.
maybe things would be better.
to cease to care. about all these things that bog us down.
to be free, to only bother about the things that matter.
to run away, and be free.
but then we'd starve, and dance in alleyways,
we'd jitterbug at empty bus stands,
and shimmy around round the street lamps on deserted streets
let's hold on a little longer,
let's give everything our all, for a day
in blind belief.
miracles might just be round the corner.
and i won't stop hoping. not just yet.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
just and ordinary girl,
living in this big world,
but ordinary is suffocating,
ordinary is suppressive
ordinary is oppressive.
in this ever shrinking world.
not good enough. screwed up.
this was a girl who wanted to change the world
this was a girl who believed, that you could be as big as your dreams
this was a girl who wished upon a star, who genuinely believed that we could live our dreams,
this was a girl who thought nothing beyond the present moment.
This was a girl who lived, in complete content and happiness,
until she started to see..
until she found out.
that the world is an unforgiving place, cold and hungry
for proof and information.
it isn't enough to believe.
life isn't lived on the passion of one's heart.
we need numbers to crunch,
and trophies to hold.
results to certify your existence.
i just want to live. is that so hard?
fighting a losing battle.
between being practical, living the trodden path of averages
of submerging yourself in the crowds
life goes beyond this.
but somehow i can't set myself free.
i'm scared.
i'm scared of growing up. i'm scared of growing any older.
i'm scared of the future. i want to run away.
are you not?
what am i living for?
we are chasing our dreams. our dreams are the only things that keep us going,
the only things that keep us going when all else fails us,
the only things that we can believe in, when the world turns it's back on us.
when did we become? when did we lose the sparkle in our eyes?
when did we become disillusioned with the world? when did the skies turn low and grey?
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau
this is to eeryone out there, still holding on, still fighting that battle,
cold, scared, lonely, tired. but are still holding on, to the fraying threads
Friday, June 10, 2011
WE'RE BACK AND WE'RE NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT.
girl in revolt.
target: 1 kg per week. i'm going to fight back. against all this junk that's been dragging me down. i want my life back. i'm sick of constantly being engulfed in this hurricane of activities. i want to have myself back. instead of being swallowed up by everyone else.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
tired, confused,and a bit scared but annoyed.
i wish you would actually do some work. fucking shit. i basically did everything.
your so called edit was just opening up the damned document and changing 3 fucking words.
I KNOW. i spent the whole fucking night typing everything out.
fucking liar! it would have been somewhat alright, but you just HAD to pass it off as your efforts.
it's called a GROUP project for a reason dear.
Monday, June 6, 2011
waiting to live.
standing in line.
waiting, for my turn
at a chance to live.
scary, how time passes you by
we're old. now.
we're dying, a little bit, everyday.
doesnt that scare you?
i need to run.
maybe i should learn to trust a little bit more.
open up a bit more.
stop being so self contained.
believe in myself more.
and stop being so fucking scared of the unknown, of people, and of screwing up