WHY WHY WHY IN THE WORLD AM I STILL WASTING MY TIME ONLINE.
EFF IT. I NEED TO FINISH MY LIT ESSAY NOW.

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i don't know what to say or what to post.
there's so fucking much running through my head, and there's so much that SHOULD be running through my head, but is not.

i don't even know what i'm thinking of. or what i should be thinking.
 i feel like deleting every single thing.

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salutations.

there's been so much that has been going on. the days pass in a blur of emotions.
but right now i'm revelling in a insane moment of elation. even with so much snapping at my heels i feel ever so slightly at peace, and assured.

everything is no longer out of control
i'm freaking out, but i'm no longer that ravenous, insatiable beast
that keeps stuffing her mouth with junk.

there's not a inch of hunger in me right now
and that's a ****ing miracle.

trust, and have faith.
in GOD and in yourself.

alright. off to rush out school stuff.

there's so much more i wish i could share right now...
but TIME TIME TIME!

tsk. OK, no more procrastinating.

SPECIAL SHOUTOUT: I miss all of you from POA so much!
Hope you guys are doing well :D

Wish i could go on chat and talk...
and @winterlonggone, should you ever see this, it was absolutely lovely talking to you, hope i'll to see a picture of your cats one day

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the spiral downwards. but we won't fall down.
there's too much to lose right now.

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cause average is just not good enough. you gotta be better.

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i'm moving towards a calmer state of mind.
a little less craziness.
a slightly meeker urges.
easier reigned.

i think just looking at food calm me down
there's a certain tranquilising effect you get
sieving and going through every single food item you crave.
squinting your eyes
a quick run through the calories and the price tags.
skimming past. the settled reassurance.
silence. tap. tap. tap.
etched. keyed in,sorted, alphabetically, and stored.
into yet another one of our meticulously organised folder
stashed in the subconsciousness of our minds.
to be drawn later, at will, with ease,

out.

minds whirring. frantically.
exhausted. trudging on.
numbers. floating, going around in circles.
$2.20 divided by 15.
1275 divided by 4.184
2. .. 20.. minus 15.
divided. divided. 2.20.


tired. senses dulled.
but we're still screaming inside.

confusion. still going round in circles.
getting nowhere, but a little bit skinnier.


But today i'm just glad cause i beat the binges. nasty little things.
i guess i just needed someone to talk to.
someone who didnt judge, and needed to talk as much as i did.

thank you Y.

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Man's hand blown off in illegal fireworks accident in Oakland



OAKLAND, Calif. — A 19-year-old man who planned to join the Marines this fall has lost a hand and a chunk of his leg after illegal fireworks exploded in his pockets.
A young man with plans to report to the Marine Corps in September lost his left hand and a large portion of his thigh after two powerful M-1000 firecrackers exploded in his pocket.

Surrounded by a crowd of people at a neighborhood Fourth of July party on Bartlett Avenue in Oakland, 19-year-old Josh Myers pushed a 2-year-old girl away from him and covered his front left pocket with his hand then fell to the ground after realizing the M-1000s were about to explode.

"At first I didn't think I lost my hand. I thought that I had just took a pretty bad blow," Myers said. "But then I ended up looking and I was like, 'Yeah.' I saw it. My hand was gone."


Myers suspects that the M-1000s had been ignited when flames from other fireworks in his back pocket were accidentally set on fire.

Witnesses told KGO that the unidentified girl received stitches for injuries to her leg caused by the explosion. Myers is recovering at Highland Hospital.

"It took away my dream which was to join to the United States Marine Corps, defend my country. But the thought that just keeps going through my head is better me than that little girl," Myers said.

Myers bought the illegal M-1000s off the street for about $20. Each firecracker is equal to about a quarter stick of dynami


http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_15448063?nclick_check=1

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and #$^%^@$">#$^%^ the POA forum needs to get ****ing fixed.

*dont misinterpret. nothing aimed at the mods or at Skinny. i'm just grahh because it's like a freaking security blanket. we need it ok? screw the Internet and all it's damned problems. and if this is because some idiot want and reported POA for goodness knows what, i'm going to (i don't know what yet)  the crap out of him/her.*

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Birthday Wishes.

starting today.
20 days of pure airy lightness.
my gift, this year, to myself.

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too many things i don't know know what to say or what to feel or what to do
there's a precious little part of me that's holding on. with every last bit of strength, glazed eyes. probably grasping wildly in her little way to keep me from falling apart. she's the one thing straining on the strings.

don't give up. please don't give up on me. don't let go.
I'm teetering on the edge. it's so tempting to drift and not give a damn.

but we're not going to go there.
we're not. we're not. not. not. not.

stop playing them damned tricks with my mind.
I'm fucking stronger than this. i can fucking beat this.


expletives. i know.
i need this. i need to beat this.

I'm going to live through tonight.
and then it's all gonna be fine.


Please, God
Let today and
let tomorrow be alright.

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in your face honey.

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shut up. go away.
today i live by my horoscope and nothing else.
i've put my life on hold too many times for you.

You may sense a nervous restlessness today that urges you to take action, Leo. A journey to one place may have you bouncing off to another place that may lead you on an adventure to someplace completely different. It might seem like you're on some crazy scavenger hunt toward a pot of gold. The energy of the day may leave you feeling ragged, but don't give up. Persistence will eventually pay off.

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there's been so much happening
so much i want to scream at and about.
ao much i want to give thanks for and so many things i want to cry about.

BUT not today, i'm not going to post about it today.

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