stop trying to play god with our lives, our hopes, aspirations and our dreams.


quit trying to judge us for who you THINK we are.
stop using our futures as bargaining chips
tantrums for your sorry fetishes.

why are you fighting with us over such petty nothings.
tomorrow i'm apologising.
i hope the sorrys calm you over.
and calm tihngs down.

stop with themood swings please.
things are getting awkward
and hard to navigate.

i'm not quite sure how and what to say anymore.

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smile and get your work done.

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would you rather have survived life?
or to proudly say that you have lived it.
to have fought, for every moment.
to have made every one count.

to have lived in every giggle, smile
every ring of laughter that burst through
to have felt every tear,
to have breathed the morning air
to have run with pure exhilaration
to have sung with your heart
to have trusted and believe

we are alive.
whatever life throws at us, we'll pull through.
even the worst shall come to pass.
and we'll make it through.
don't let anyone or anything tell you otherwise
for

We are still masters of our fate.
We are still captains of our souls.

 if we believe.

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i want to crawl into a hole and die.
maybe i've gotten too good at hiding things.
in the end all we hurt was ourselves.
edged ourselves into deeper waters,
now we're drowning in our own pit.

we tried. we did. we really did.
sometimes i feel like a split person
do i? you figment of imagination.

i wonder if it's odd that i like to say/use we whenever i write
(even though i mean me)
but that just makes me feel overly exposed
makes me feel like someone peeled open my skin
naked.

i want a hug. i want to hug someone. i want to hug you.
i want you to hug me. i want you to want to hug me.

I wish I could silence myself forever.


you've either got to be the best, or...

i wish i wouldn't screw everything up like this. why can't we be close? like closer?
i felt so disconnected with everyone today.

and everything's piling up, undone.

we'll make it through tomorrow right? we'll survive.
if you believe hard enough. we will. won't we?

And I wish I’d stop crying again.

someone tell me everything will be alright.

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there are some things that i have to work on.
and right now schoolwork is looming threateningly in the distance.
correction: it's looming right beside me.

i've got to start getting things DONE.
somehow in the short span of 2months i've been able to amass enough undone work to last me half a year.
and i still haven't been to a proper concert yet. and i have less than 15 months to get it done.

numbers, looming.
floating about in my head.
i wonder if it's a good sign.

and i need to stop using and so much.

i wonder if i really like you... or am i just missing the feeling of being chased.
perhaps i could, perhaps i do.

and i think i'm getting hooked on laxatives again. shit.
(pssh. and i just realised the bad/unintentional pun)

AND THE IDIOT WHO STOLE MY SHOES AND MY SHOEBAG, I HOPE YOU TWIST YOUR ANKLES, BUST YOUR KNEE CAPS, PULL YOUR SHINS AND TEAR YOUR HAMSTRINGS AND ROT IN HELL! GOSH. do you know how long i've had to beg for just to get that pair of shoes. and i promised that they were supposed to last me for the entire year! fuck. and someone had to go steal it before i even wore them 5 times. go screw your self please. thanks. i'm not sure how i'm ever going to explain this... "oh erm. hi mom. i lost the $80 pair of cleats that you bought me less than a month ago. along with the $20+ shoe bag. can we go get new ones again tomorrow and blow another hundred plus dollars?" suicide mission much?

:\

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