how long will it take for you to understand that I'm not competing with you.
and I never plan to compete with you.
not now, not ever.

give it up with your petty conniving hostility.
I've tried making small talk. but unless we both let go of our inner, supposed indignances, it's not going to work.

I'm ready to live on, move on, and let go.
are you?
I want a resolution.
I want a closure.
and an end to all this animosity.

I quit. im out of this meaningless snobbery,
this unspoken competition of showing off
the silent off-shoulder slights disguised in half-smiles
I'm done with this. perhaps I've fallen into this same hapless trap in the past,
the days and nights of frustration.
of trying to figure out the reason why

that now, is of little importance.
all i know is that life is too short, and too precious to be wasted on you.

and you can wipe that smug smile off your face because you can't win a competition where no one is competing against you.

I ran for that post because I thought I could contribute something, to the rest of the team.
-person- ran for it because -person- wanted it to add to your list of achievements.


superficial creep.

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if you ever have the time,
read chuck palahniuk.
in the days when time langors on
and the humidity sets in,
dulling your senses
as everything turns into a muddy haze of
never ending clockwork.
machinery, running slick
on a gear

read it. read.
Guts, Rant, Choke.
in a Lullaby of self deception,
in dreams,  scribbled across your diary.
be glad. that you don't have to do those things (yet)
to feel alive. rejoice, in a somewhat perverse happiness
nose in the air, in a certain relief
that it's enough, to read, about these horrors
to feel alive.

little dashes of nihlism,
kept behind the bars of black and white
prints, the pristine, straight lines
that keep the dystopia away, just far enough.
at your fingertips.
uncomfortable enough to shock,
but caged within the paperbacks that hold them off at bay.

it's the same feeling, the paunchy old fogeys feel
as they knock on the glass cages
of cobras, rattlesnakes and other great predators of the wild.
the false sense of power, as they try their hand
truimphing against nature.

the self-satisfation as their kid looks up, amazed
that's my dad. invincible.

it makes you feel alive,
wanted, needed, important.
even if just for a split second.
of conceit.

#thelittlethingsinlifethatmakesyoufeelalive.

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