waited up all night for this.
a little bit scared.
exhilarated.
and just a tad apprehensive.
maybe i'm setting myself up for disaster.
maybe.

scared. a little more.
what if i say something wrong?
what if i read the wrong signs?
what if i led myself on?

stepped off the edge.
free falling
into my insecurities

reach out.
please
reach out.

i tumbled down the rabbit hole
following your smiles
your quick steps that disappeared,
that illusive white bunny
time is running out.

tripped over my own 2 feet
trying to play this game with you
off with my head.

wrong move.
and today the mad hatter's not here
to take that pain away.

if you dont want us,
just turn around
don't let me in, in the first place.

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ufck really. i didnt sleep for the whole of last night.
just waiting up to talk to someone.
who replied for about 5 minutes worth of conversation

dear heart, please just kill yourself and die on the spot.
fat hopes. he has better stuff to do.
get over your silly crush and move on with life.

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forget it.
just forget him.

don't make things difficult for him.
be glad that you're even friends.

focus on school.
go run.
improve.
99. double digits.

you've got more to do.
focus. and get your life back into shape.

there's no time for languishing
no time to waste.
how many more people do you want to disappoint?

FOCUS

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little secrets that you keep in your heart
you know the ones that only you know about?
the ones that make you smile to yourself for no reason at all
while everyone stares at you bewildered

I'm almost grinning from ear to ear typing this.
yesterday was pretty darn awesome and amazing *hehe
we had to do this activity in pairs
and guess who was my partner? whee~
and after that, something of mine got stuck,
and he came over and offered to help me get it out
how nice was that?

and we almost shared dinner!
but that was mostly because he was hungry
and I was picking at my food as usual
(food that would have tasted pretty good to any other sane person)

haha. sorry!
let me indulge in my girlish flights of fantasy.
even though I think it's pretty much an one sided thing

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happily independent.

I think at the end of the day what we need is friends.
I love you all my friends!

(not going to waste time on hypothetical situations anymore. whatever happens, happens)

thankyou for making learning fun,
thank you for th spittle bits of joy that brighten up my life
life is a collection of joyous moments
there are times of trials and tribulations
moments that test our courage and self discipline
lessons that teach us, things to learn, things to do
and having you guys around makes all of these things so much fun
a pleasure. when we learn, grow and mature together.

I am grateful. for all of you.
for everyone who has shared a joke with me, and interacted with me somewhere somehow
because either consciously or subconsciously you've shown me something about the world that I've beer though of before.

thankyou!
and thankyou god for showing me the way
and for showing me the wonders of life

just needed to open up my eyes to see

social life aside, i'm much clearer about what I need to do to improve.
and I'm going to start doing it.
I'm not going to let regret haunt me anymore
2010 was a good enough lesson.
I'm going to start doing everything that I said I wanted to.
self discipline and I'm not going to find anymore excuses
focus, and just do

no more self deceptions of I'll do it later.
exellence is to be striven for,
fight, for what you want
and be the best that you can be.

an everything else will take care of itself.

treat everyone with kindness and compassion
an uphold the high standards and values you look up to
think: what would Ms T** do? What would M*M do? what would D*Y* do?
what would J*F do? what would Y*J do?

focus, attain and achieve.

laziness and fear will only try drag you down
the question is will you let them?

NO!

working towards my ideals :)

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crushes should flit by and pass right?
------.
oh well. just gotta get it out.
i fucking love? like? you!
okay done.

gah!

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hello!
just so this blog doesnt die off and languish.
i'm here reporting that i'm still on my course.
was going just fine until i went off course through a period of absolutely horrible binging.
schoolwork went down the drain,
skin turned crappy,
defaulted alot of commitments

so stats update:
was at 52.5 kg; 115lbs in my last post.
dropped to 50kg; 110lbs in Febuary,
but now i'm up to 51kg; 112lbs (March)

argh.

word of advice. never get onto the bulimic track,
i think maybe if i never learned how to purge it out, i would never have learnt how to binge so much.
mildly annoyed. but hey. at least i'm back on track with my sub 500 routine.

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