this is just a blank space.
detailing my rambling thoughts.
nothing special, or extraordinary.
my struggles at being normal.
no not being normal, but just less erratic.
maybe a small part of me doesn't want to be normal
what is normal anyway?
who defines it anyways.
it changes, with each passing century.

neither do i want to be different.
non-conformity.
ironical isn't it?
how for two years i've struggled to lay claim on my own "individuality"
in defiance of everything "conventional"
it's merely the anti-thesis of the norm.
and at the end of the day, we're still running circles,
caught in the loop of mass culture,trapped.
still bounded by the definition of convention.

except only that we are now defining ourselves that is in opposition of the norm
but at the end of the day,
we've only lost ourselves in the fight
a useless, pointless, meaningless fight.
rebelling only for the mere sake of rebellion

we've only exhausted ourselves further,
still bound by society.

no, i want to live in acceptance.
i am my own self, my own being.

let's end our own struggle with identity.
we are who we are. and that's all there is to it.

so what if i'm not that misunderstood lone sheep
immersing in my own world of deep, foreign films and philosophizing over cult classics.

i still love my indie bands,
their unique tunes, the bursts of creativity.
i get lost in my own worlds of imagination.
my greatest hobby is still a nerdy obsession with reading novels.
preferably classics. (oh and self helpbooks and memoirs)
great works that wrench at your soul.
the ones that somehow manage to capture the essence of the human soul
always relevant, regardless of time, age or the centuries passed.
ellen page, audrey tautou, will always remain as some of my favourite stars, rather than megan fox or angelina jolie
i'll remember kristen stewart best for Speak, rather than for twilight.
but somedays, i bob my head to mainstream pop
i still squeal like an idiot, sniffling over romantic chick flicks, tissue in hand.
i shop at conventional malls, leap at bargain bins
and guess what, i'm not ashamed to admit it.
i'm just human.

and my tastes and prefernces do not define me.
it doesn't make me any less indie, or less of a "true" hipster
nor does it make my any more "normal" or conventional

i feel old, taking on this outlook towards life
maybe i'm being a coward, choosing to live in acceptance
rather than to fight, and attempt to subdue life.
to "make my mark" in the halls of history.

or maybe i'm just tired of always struggling
fighting this tiresome battle.

serenity.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I can,And the wisdom to know the difference.

it's a better way forward.
i'll still fight for the ideals that i hold true to my heart.
one day, when i least expected it.
somebody asked me, questioned, and insisted on an answer.
what are the values that you hold dear?
squirming in my own seat,
feeling slightly indignant,
how can one summarise one's own ideals into a single value?
or even two values?

but if you had to, what would they be?

fairness. friendship.
don't even know how i came to this answer
perhaps i too, was a little surprised at my own answer.

now, looking back, i guess
on a subconcious level,
they are truly what i do believe in.

we only have our own allotted, finite number of years on this earth.
and of those, with each passing second,
our time in each specific moment, loaction, or state of life
likewise has an expiry date.

treasuring each friend you meet throughout life, also means honoring each moment you spend with them
and treating each friendship with it's due esteem
because you never know when they will just pass you by,
each flowing down the streams of our own lives.

and for those who are just aching to raise their voices in protest,
friendship encompasses more than just the typical definition of "friends"

family, are the friends that we are born with
the ones that we both love, but some times cant stand
the friends that grow with you. through the good times and the bad.

venturing out into the world, we meet other people in our lives
some that you just seem to click with
best friends. close friends. friends that you want to keep for the years to come.
and some friends that you just know. more distant ones, the ones that we call acquaintances.
but change your perspective, everyone has a good side in them
a side that you might just not have uncovered yet.
there's bound to a unifying quality.
afterall, we're all human. there's only so many emotions we can feel.
there's bound to be one that you share in common.
and in that aspect, no matter how "insignificant" or small,
we are all still friends.

even the strangers that we meet.
there's to much more that we can learn from the people around us.
should we open up our minds, and embrace everyone.

oh my where have i rambled on to.

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