i hate how everyone in our family is so manipulative.
because we;re constantly treading on water,
so fluid and elusively vile.
how there's this lovely false pretense of courtesy.
and we go about our day smiling and milling compliments.
strung phrases of alphabets we don;t ever mean.

how we put ourselves, our bodies out on the chopping block,
threateningly submissive
willing everyone else, with a silent ultimatum
so all you can do is to give in

so you won;t be THE ONE
who broke the momentum of all our lies.
so everyone can keep on living and pretending.

i don't even want to wrap it up in nice phrases anymore.
i hatehatehate how you have to get everything done your way.
and whenever you want that you snivel and tell me
are you going to do it. if you don't i'll do it. and then put on your emotional black mail on me.
fuck. fuck you.
like i don't already have enough crap
that i have to keep to myself without your stupid blackmailing.
shut up.

like how once you've tried this trick and it works.
then you keep pulling it on me.

i feel like dorothy hare. misty wilmot. dolores price.
lost. stuck. forever in the middle.
silent screams. repressed before they can even form
at the back of our throats.
like the baby unborn.
aborted before it even had time to form.
at least give us some scars to show
for our silence.
silent sacrifices.

there are none.
                                       left.

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