shit shit shit shit shit.

i was binging on a huge pack of almonds, dried jackfruit and chinese takeaway. which was absolutely sicking. and then i spent half an hour ramming my fingers, toothbrushes, chopsticks, the back of spoons, straws and what not down my throat. That, plus nice full dose of dry heaving. And guess what, no food.

so i went and gulped down 2 glasses of water and tried again. cause usually purging comes pretty easily to me. even though i've got pretty swollen glands nowadays. i have no fucking idea why, but all of a sudden there was blood on the floor.

it was just sick and disgusting.

now i feel like i've got a huge sack of food cement just sitting there in my stomach.and all i can think of is how much i NEED to get rid of it. and then there's the blood. it's happened before and the last time it cleared itself up but. ARGH.

i just hate this feeling. of just total utter fullness.

shit shit shit shit shit.
why do i always do this to myself.
no binging = no purging = no blood on the floor.
gosh. it's just that fucking simple.
you disgusting slob with no self restraint.
PIGPIGPIGPIGPIG!

someone needs to sew up your mouth and send you away to oblivion.
fuck why can't you grow a little self control and determination.
and stop fucking stuffing every single thing you spy into your fucking damned mouth!

serious shit.


no more binging for the next 20 days.
for real. cause i'm not going to purge it out for you you disgusting pig.
no purge = no binge.
you won't be able to afford to binge.
can't afford to binge.

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