i miss the people i knew but don't know.
the year when i absorbed myself into myself and nurtured my ed instead of my friendships

but today i miss the me i used to be and feel,
the quiet self assurance that came from inside every time i said no
and refused to let my body and my instincts rule me by human needs.
the strength to resist and stand, defying the odds of the norm.

the reassuring emptiness and lightness that reiterated: you can.
if you can do this, you can do anything
i feel like i've lost myself in the process,
when i turned away. from the ED that kept me so strong
 and sure of myself,of my abilities.
though every one and thing screamed at the absurdness of it all

school is rather horrid now, in a sense.
i feel like just another mediocre human being lost in the sea of masses.
just another statistic of the other 99% so we can applaude that 1% who made it.

i wish i meant something in this world.
and that i didn't fail at everything i tried to do.


i want back that self control.

goal weight: 100

and while i'm at that, i'm sure my studies will pick up, as they always do when i'm on a diet/regime.
unlike now when i'm constantly stuck stuffing my face.

comments