i wish my parents wouldn't fight so much and so often over/about me.

i wish i never let myself fall into the temptation of consumerism. and that i never put such outrageous ideas into my dad's head.

i mean of course, i anticipated it right? in my half true prophecies.
i should have known. i had known.

i wish i could give them both all a hug, and to tell them, everything's going to be alright.
and that i love them with all my heart.
i wish.

sometimes, i can see them, tired, lethargic
bogged down by life. dragged down into the murky depths,
by all the necessities of life,
of experience of the rules that society imposes on us,
quietly, stealthily, when we were looking the other way
and then we wake up each day,
with a sudden realisation of the manacles that chain us to our
death beds.

and we start to wonder,
what are we living for.

i hope the light never extinguishes, and the life never leaves their eyes.
i hope your enthusiasm and the sparkle in your eyes will never go out
that your souls will never die before your body does.

because i love you guys.
despite my wayward ways.
and even though i never say these words out loud.
i love you mom and dad,
and i miss the times when we used to walk together in the parks,
aimlessly happy.


my dad suddenly came home with an iphone for me. which was sort of like wow. since we're not rich or anything. and they're still pretty overpriced in our country... well anyways my mom was really annoyed about it. she thinks my dad is overly lavish. (though i do think that it really was pretty lavish in a really nice way) so they started in a pretty heated argument :\
now i kind of feel bad. especially since i'm not doing very well in terms of my studies either... alright, i'm doing pretty badly for my studies and i know that they're going to be pretty disappointed. and they're just going to sigh and tell me that it's alright and that so long as i try it's ok. but i know that when i'm not at home they'll fret over it for me and it's going to take it's toll on them :\

gotta work harder now. and eat less. you pig.
and work out more. and pull my grades up.
if we can't be perfect, at least i want to be able to say that i died trying.
that i gave my best. and if it still ain't enough,then it's no longer up to me to decide.

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