funny how addicts try to heal others more than they can ever heal themselves.
and you hope with genuine love that tyour pals will get better, smile brighter, be happier
you believe, from the bottom of your heart. or at least you will it to believe
that one day they will recover. they will be free.
all the while, sure, that you yourself are condemned man.
with no way out, no hope left. options gone.

i just want you to love me back the way i love you.
fucking idiot.

some how the wolrd just ain't that rosy
in the midst of "normal" people
so consumed with the meaningless trivialities of life
that they forgot, and pushed away.
the things that matter, the things that ruminate in our heads
and keep us awake at night while
like addicts hooked on cocaine,
we devour and expunge again.

curled upon the kitchen floor,
the little things that haunt us in our days
they would never understand
the intricacies of our world,
where one world can have million meanings
said by different people, in a different tone

we are not the ones who got dealt a bad card in life
we were the ones who bothered to look, at that card
fools who choose to feel emotions, and to think

we were playing the wrong game.
we thought too much, and fucked our minds up

wasn't supposed to analyse the game. but we did.
(too much)

other people learnt how to forget, and to get over it.

we just never did
and those things, they just lingered in the background
haunting us in our actions, a ghost of what we used to be
and they metastasised

so we had to find our own drugs to drown that fear.
and the thoughts that raced through our heads.

gathered up our weapons
and headed to war.

some of us took up our x-acto blades,
pitchforks of safety pins. undistilled vodka, straight up
and cigarettes that we puffed our lives away.
benzoylmethylecgonine. and thin air. caffeine pills and chocolate bars.

we would fight our demons with these makeshift weapons we had, scavenged from the dumpsters of consumerism.
with our lives, we fought to save ourselves
no holds barred once you transpire into this war
breathe, your last breath.

we believed for a minute,
no longer,that we could win
wrong methods, wrong wars,
a futile battle. our addictions nurtured and grown from defeat.

paint on our faces.
and the scares yesteryears that we bear
medals, milestones of how far we have come
and grown from the child we used to be

one day, we will learn to wear these badges, with honour.
these labels will peel, and only what we know in our hearts will matter.

be gone, society.
(for) i am real
even on my own.

and so are you.
my brothers and sisters.
today, we go to war.

to fight the real war inside.
this time we are armed with experience
and the proper tools.

we will not let them drug us into another corridor of never ending white halogen lights


i just want to feel that same feeling,
when we flopped on our bellies
and talked, on a lazy sunday afternoon
and our plain existence sufficed.

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